Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

Apart While Being Together

Dear Alma,

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. We’re both in our late 50s. On the outside looking in, we’re a church going happy couple, but the reality is, we’re not. No, we don’t argue or disrespect each other, but we just don’t talk much. He falls asleep in the basement most nights and I’m sleeping alone. We don’t go out on romantic dates and he never wants to try anything new. We just exist almost like roommates. And I’m sure he would be fine with this for the rest of his life.

I love my husband very much and I don’t want my marriage to end. I have been seeing an old boyfriend lately who has moved back to our town. He and I have not missed a beat. We’re like two teenagers sneaking around and, needless to say, everything is hot and heavy. I know I should cut it off before my husband finds out, but I enjoy the attention. I talked to my husband the other night and told him how unhappy I was and he said he’ll do better. He hasn’t returned to our bedroom, so I’m not sure what’s going on. I just don’t know what to do. I am not ready to let go of the way things are with the return of the “love of my life.” Do you think I should give my husband an ultimatum?

Name withheld

An ultimatum to do what, not catch you at your foolishness? You’re married. Your love and devotion is reserved for your husband, only. In the good, bad, fast and slow times. This sounds like a slow season.

Your husband clearly is a guy who deserves the opportunity to make it better. He isn’t abusing you, he seems to be in a comfort zone. You have invested 25 years in a person who should be respected as the LOYL. Don’t get it twisted.

Girlfriend, you’re as wrong as a Wendy Williams weave and you know it. ​Adultery is never the acceptable behavior.  Just because you’ve added lip gloss and eye liner doesn’t beautify it. You’re wrong! Ok, so your husband isn’t romantic, won’t come to bed and he isn’t hitting it like he use too. And? What can you do about it? Have you offered him a reason to come to bed?

Start focusing and planning a red hot reunion with all the dedication and planning you exercised to plan your wedding, and watch happens. Break if off with the other lover. No contact whatsoever, no phone calls, emails, text messages, Facebook contact, twitter post, snail mail, nothing.

Find your way back to reality. Back to honoring your husband.  Girl, get your stuff together. What you’re doing is ratchet, cut it out. It’s one thing to lie to yourself when you don’t know any better, but you do. You have pulled in the wrong driveway Lady Love, cause you gets no sympathy here.


Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to:  Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.


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