Dear Gwendolyn:

I have gone with my boyfriend for 22 years.  For the past 10 years, he has introduced me to a lifestyle of which I was not accustomed.  This is the current situation:  We have not lived together, but we did stay the weekends at his apartment or either at my apartment.  I am getting ready to move back home and care for my elderly mother. According to my boyfriend, he insists he will not spend his weekends alone, and says he never intends to visit me at the home of my mother.

I think I have grown to enjoy his money.  You see… he has an illegal profession.  However, he refuses to tell me what it is.  I believe it may be drugs or thief.  My fear is that he is going to drop me and another woman is going to enjoy the money.

I want to keep him Gwendolyn, so what do you suggest?


Dear Mary:

You have given this man 22 years and you are still just ‘a girlfriend.’  You don’t   even refer to yourself as being his fiancée.  If you feel your boyfriend is doing something illegal, and you enjoy the lifestyle from the money, Mary, your character is the same as his.

Now I have a question for you: Why would you want to hold on to a man who tells you he does not intend to spend his weekends alone?  I suggest you drop this friendship, ship/ship or whatever it is.  That harsh statement verifies the two of you were never going to be married – one day maybe, but not to each other.

Another thing Mary:  To have a profession comes with education.  To be considered a professional comes with college degrees or from a technical training or from possessing a natural skill.  But adults who claim to have an illegal profession receive that type of learning from the street called ‘Street Smart’ with a major in — Thugism.

Got a problem, email Gwen at: or write to her at P. O. Box 10066, Raleigh, NC  27605-0066.  To receive a reply, send a self-addressed stamped envelope .Visit her website at: