When my daughter, Amari, was diagnosed with autism, I stepped into a world I wasn’t fully prepared for, one filled with meetings, evaluations, and a process that can feel overwhelming for any parent.
Like so many families, I walked into our IEP meeting with hope.
Hope that my child will finally get the support she needs. Hope that there was a clear plan in place. And for a moment, it felt like there was.
The meeting happened. Services were outlined. Everyone agreed.
But what I and so many other parents have learned is this: the real challenge doesn’t happen in the meeting. It begins after it.
Because once that IEP is signed, parents don’t just go back to being parents. We take on another role.
We start checking if services are actually being delivered.
We follow up when communication is unclear — or doesn’t come at all.
We document what should already be happening.
Over time, it becomes a second full-time job.
And the question I keep coming back to is simple: why are parents responsible for making sure a legally binding plan is followed?
An IEP is not a suggestion. It’s a commitment.
Yet too often, services are inconsistent, delayed, or missed entirely, without clear communication unless a parent speaks up. And when that happens, the burden shifts from the system to the family.
That burden doesn’t fall equally.
Some parents have the flexibility to send emails during the day, attend follow-ups, and push for answers. Others are working long hours, juggling multiple responsibilities, or still trying to understand the system itself.
But every child deserves the same level of support—regardless of their parent’s capacity to fight for it.
This isn’t about blaming educators. Many are doing everything they can under real constraints of shortages, limited resources, and increasing demands.
But we have to be honest: when services aren’t delivered consistently, the system isn’t working the way it should.
Every missed service matters.
Every delay matters.
And every time a parent has to step in just to make sure the basics are covered, trust in that system starts to erode.
As a father, I don’t want to spend my time monitoring whether promises are being kept.
I want to spend that time supporting my daughter, helping her grow, learn, and thrive.
That’s what parents are supposed to do.
An IEP is more than paperwork.
It’s a promise.
And our children and our families deserve a system that keeps it.
Anthony Tilghman is a Prince George’s County father, photographer, nonprofit leader and community advocate.