I don’t want any trouble, but I have to get this off of my chest. In the short time I’ve known you, you’ve caused a global pandemic. ruined Spring Break, and canceled graduation. Every time you come by. someone else gets sick. I’m talking roughly 400,000 cases (and counting) all over the world. You even got Forrest Gump! My homegirls weren’t even mad at you when you made Trump add a travel ban on China because we were going to Spain. Then you started feeling yourself when you went to Italy and made it the second-highest nation in coronavirus cases. I thought, maybe she’ll stop there, but you had to get the last laugh! You got Germany. South Korea, France, and made your big break in the U.S. with Washington. I wasn’t surprised when I found out New York was hot. but come on…Seattle?
Now look what you did. A national emergency — two very big words if you didn’t know. And before we could even pack for the trip. Spain’s case count increased by 5.000 in only 24 hours. and Trump added Europe and the UK to the ban. Now we’re stuck in D.C.. working from home, with no toilet paper because that was the first thing to go. All the college students had to leave campus. And you got HU, you know? Can someone say anti-Black?
March has really been a madness, and I’m not talking about basketball because they canceled that too! I can’t go out to eat. Broccoli City Weekend is postponed. I can’t even go to the library. because they’re closed too. Its upsetting me and my homegirl because she feels like, “Well damn, if we can’t go to Bella Noche, where the hell could we go?” I can’t even have a kickback because the government says we shouldn’t be in groups larger than 10. Now. they’re saying there might be a recession and the unemployment rate might reach 20 percent.
Black people thought they were immune, but you shut that right up. When Idris said he was positive, I knew it was over for us (even though he says he’s asymptomatic). Officials keep saying they don’t have the resources to test everyone, but somehow these celebrities keep getting tested. I’m starting to think this whole thing is anti-poor and anti-Black, but I digress. My homegirl lost her job but so will 3 million people by June. I thought his whole “social distancing” thing would last 14 days. but now I’m hearing that this could last until August? DC even closed schools until April 27. Sorry to those kids. Hot girl summer is sounding a little room temperature these days, and this summer body might have to wait until 2021. I was thinking of taking a trip because the ticket prices were so low, but I’m starting to reconsider because you’ve hit every continent except Antarctica. I might as well save my coins because money is tight for everyone. You heard the airline industry is asking for a $60 billion bailout? Even they need welfare.
Look, Rona, I don’t want any trouble. I just want to bring back bottomless brunches and nights on U Street! Maybe if this $1,000 check comes through, I won’t be as annoyed. Even still, you single-handedly canceled 2020. Now. excuse me while I go wash my hands for 20 seconds.