Jineea Butler

By Jineea Butler

NNPA Columnist

In the latest urban movies, “Best Man Holiday” and “A Madea’s Christmas,” I thought it was interesting that each featured a Black woman in a relationship with a White man.  In today’s climate we are used to successful Black men dating White women but the introduction of the successful Black woman and White men is a new twist in movies.  Since the appointment of President Obama and his lovely wife Michelle, I’ve recognized the relatively new influx of looks I get from Caucasian professionals giving me that ‘I think Michelle is hot and you are too’ look.

In a “Best Man Holiday,” Nia Long’s character Sydney brings her new flame to the gathering with longtime friends.  Not only were they accepting, they welcomed B-MAC as Taye Diggs jokingly referred to him.  In “A Madea’s Christmas, “ the “Have and Have Nots” star Tika Sumpter is secretly married to a NYU agriculture graduate who also happens to be White.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial dating, I find it odd that two major productions released during the holidays chose to represent these images.  The implications are far more than just characters in film. When you take attractive women such as Nia Long and Tika Sumpter and pair them with good looking White men, you’re not just selling movies, you’re being suggestive. Even in “Act Like a Woman, Think Like A Man,” Gabrielle Union’s character dates Turtle from the popular HBO series turned movie “Entourage.”

I believe Hollywood is offering an alternative to go along with the national attack on Black men.  In most of our minds, the image of the Black Man is tarnishing, but the Black woman has always stayed by the Black man – up until now.  Look at the pit bull in a skirt, Rapper Eve who recently accepted a marriage proposal from British Fashion Designer Maximillion Cooper.  Eve is a perfect indication that even the toughest home girl is changing her tune.  Why would the former girlfriend of “Love and Hip Hop” star Stevie J leave America for the American Dream?

One has to wonder has the Black woman begun to throw in the towel along with the rest of America.  Why shouldn’t we? Black men are not breaking their necks to make sure we stay within the comforts of their midst.  In fact, it’s the opposite: 72 percent of Black children are being raised in single family homes, according to the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development.  That’s a statistic that says we are not planning for families; it also suggests that we don’t think it’s an important goal, and we are not making very wise decisions.

We can always argue all of the obstacles in the way of Black men hinder them from being completely focused and successful husbands, fathers and sons, but what are they doing about it?  Are we as Black women supposed to stick around and wait until these men turn 70 and realize they should have treated the women in their life better?  Or should we begin to think about catching up with the rest of the society we live in and demand sustainable relationships and marriages.

A UC Berkeley Sociologist Gerald Mendelson said Blacks are interested in moving up the power structure and one way you do is through intermarriage with a dominant group.  Look at Janet Jackson’s marriage to billionaire Wissam Al Mana following a relationship with So-So Def’s Jermaine Dupri.  It is almost like Black women are beginning to reject the unnecessary madness we seem to get when we relentlessly dedicate ourselves to that life.  The whole world would like to see the Black man overcome his obstacles and be all that he is destined to be.  But it’s nothing compared to the heart of the Black woman who knows the soul of a Black man.  Who knows that the Black man is more powerful than any creature on this earth, that he possesses the ability to be king over everything and then some.  His own fear of success hinders his movements and his decisions, his insecurities overpower his will to venture into the unknown while his friends in misery love his company.

And where does that leave the Black woman?  Desolate, out of place, unprotected and searching for her missing piece.  For years, we have carried the weight; prison sentences, infidelity, verbal and physical abuse, thinking one day that he will see that we have sacrificed, see that we understand and have held the torch without fail.  But no.  The pain is too deep for him to bear, he is not comfortable being naked in his vulnerability, he wants to be the man, he wants what they took from him.  It occupies his every move and we become objects in his quest to find what he doesn’t know he is looking for.  Alas, the perfect opportunity to send us back into a slavery mindset.  Killing ourselves because no one taught us how to care about ourselves.  SMH, I expect more out of you Black man, more accountability, more responsibility, more effort, more love.  Thank you in advance.

Jineea Butler, founder of the Social Services of Hip Hop and the Hip Hop Union is a Hip Hop Analyst who investigates the trends and behaviors of the community and delivers programming that solves the Hip Hop Dilemma. She can be reached at jineea@gmail.com or Tweet her at @flygirlladyjay

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Freddie Allen is the National News Editor for the NNPA News Wire and BlackPressUSA.com. 200-plus Black newspapers. 20 million readers. You should follow Freddie on Twitter and Instagram @freddieallenjr.

13 replies on “Are Black Women Giving up on Black Men?”

  1. This is very distasteful. Black women wonder why black men hold so much anger for them. But every time black women have a chance they are stomping on the necks, and bitterly resenting black men publicly.
    I’m a 24 year old man, I have no children, and I have never harmed a black woman. Why is it every time a black woman has something to say about black men it is always negative? “Why are black women angry- because of black men”. “Why are black women single mothers- because of black men”. ” Why do black women represent so many negative things in society- because of black men”. “Why do black women where weave- because of black men”. Black men have become the scapegoat for all of black womens problems, and it’s unbelievably obvious.Except for attacking us, you should internally evaluate yourselves. We are not the root to all of your problems.
    The root to black women’s problems is the lack of self esteem, and a good upbringing. Your mother’s didn’t pick a suitable mate to be your father, and you hate all black men in place of your father.
    Black men are running away from black women because we can not continue to deal with so much negativity, resentment, and bitterness that most likely he did not cause.
    I’m 24, in college, only had 3 girlfriends my entire life and I just don’t understand why I’m being attacked so much by black women? I’ve done nothing wrong…

    1. If you go to YouTube you see thousands of videos why black men hate black women. Black women are fed up with black men collectively. We are tired and advanced on to other races.


  2. I mean black women…good for you guys..don’t let the door hit you on your ass on the way out!!!!!

    1. And this attitude is the sole reason for negativity towards black men. That’s why I don’t rock with them these days. Always abusive and arrogant for no reason. Black women deserve happiness and can’t find it with simple Black men

      1. stop lying to yourself, you are the type of person to watch a black man be lynched in the town square and take pictures with his corpse.

  3. The issues seems settled to me. We go our separate ways.

    Black men can:
    Protest for yourselves.
    Finance your own initiatives yourselves.
    Finance your own churches yourselves (the church is silent or misogynistic on this topic).
    Procreate with yourselves.
    Have intimacy among yourselves.

    We are not letting the door knob hit us, as suggested, as we exit en masse. This group of men have spoken and we have heard you.

    It’s time to protect our daughters from being killed every 5.5 hours by the men in the black community. It’s time to prioritize ourselves, love ourselves, be good to ourselves for a change. It’s time to lower our cortisol levels. It’s time to turn away from struggle love, physical mental and verbal abuse (just check these comments). Our commitment to black men by only dating among that group must stop. There aren’t enough of them anyway. Stop trying to carry the community on our tired burdened backs. Let’s make our single parent rate decrease by choosing from a better group of men.

    Go where you are appreciated black women. The collective of black men can’t be any clearer. The ball is in our court.

    1. black women in 2022 willingly put the noose around their own necks for whites, impressive stuff, that is the black mans fault too right?

  4. Stop expecting them to change, look at what they’ve shown you, your children & how they’ve destroyed the community & DATE OUT! DIVEST! DON’T LOOK BACK OR EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY’RE DOING. THEY’RE STILL GOING TO BE VERY BUSY ACTIVELY TRYING TO DESTROY YOU, (look at the Black femicide rate of every 5 1/2 hrs & the num of mixed children being born) BECAUSE THEY HATE THEMSELVES! STOP BIRTHING BLACK MALES!

  5. I’m a 38 year old mother of one and I too am DONE with black men. I spent the best part of my youth trying to cultivate a loving, healthy bond with black men, in the hopes of becoming married and starting a family one day. You know what I got for my efforts? Disrespect. Lies. Cheating. Humiliation. Broken promises. Theft. Emotional and physical abuse. Gaslighting. Trauma.

    I don’t associate BM with feelings of safety, warmth, protection or love. I have no desire to engage with BM or date them. I can’t even give them the benefit of the doubt anymore because everytime they open their mouths it’s BS. Black men my age and older are no better either. They’re just carting around more baggage then the younger BM.

    If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve dated outside from the start.

  6. I think this generation of men and women need to go back and review the history of the African-American people in this country dating back to slavery. I’ve never seen so many young black men making such derogatory remarks towards the black women. I don’t think changing races or giving up on your own race is the answer. I think black women in this country have gotten a raw deal from their own race of men along with facing the racial problems in the US. It starts with self-respect. I don’t understand why the black men are running towards white women who are part of this racist society and pretending to be color blind to all of the problems that have been created by it. Marrying or paring up with white women is not going to solve the racial disparities in this country. I’m getting tired of seeing this ignorant nonsense on social media about how horrible black women are. Funny thing, when these men talk about black women being awful, they aren’t thinking about their mothers who brought them into the world, aunts, grandmothers and the ancestors who were slaves. So, black men go on off and marry your white ladies. Trust me, you will not be missed by the black women you have demeaned. I just hope and pray that the white family that you marry into will be as accepting of you and your black family who will become their in-laws. Also, I would like to end this by saying, remember the black women who have contributed to this country; Sojouner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott King, Maya Angelou, Nikki Giovanni, Angela Davis, Betty Smith Williams, and Eartha Kitt. These are just a few I could think of. Many of them have passed on, but these women were united in a common cause.

  7. Race was invented during slavery for no reason other than to legally distinguish between two types of slaves: those who were slaves for a lifetime, but their children were born free; and those whose offspring would be enslaved like their mother. Other than melanin, there are no genetic differences between ANY of the so-called races. The saddest part of this conversation is that some of us embrace this racist concept of race and we destroy our own lives and the lives of people who look like we do.

    Any man who thinks a White woman is different from a Black woman is a fool and any woman who thinks a White man will treat her differently because he is White is also a fool. Misogyny does not discriminate. It is equal opportunity. Stop looking at color and look at character. No one has ever found love by begging for it. That applies to both Black men and Black women. Don’t love nothing that can’t love you back, no matter what color their skin is.

  8. black women have the highest abortion rates in america and still blame black men.

    black women would rather see a black men and boys lynched rather than have anything to do with them, these comments are proof of that.

    please continue to do the work of the kkk. you are monsters. truly.

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