By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

Our Girlfriend Doesn’t Get It

Dear Alma:

Within my group of friends, I have a female friend who likes a male friend who is also within the group. The female recently joined the group, but the male has been around some time. The female has tried her best game and, to much dismay, has not won over the male friend. The male friend, however, has given every cold shoulder possible. She, unfortunately, is slow to catch on. Others have tried to politely intervene, but the female keeps knocking. It has progressed to the point that the male friend has stopped coming around, and no one in the group is happy. The group now feels the need to address the issue, almost like an intervention. What do you suggest?


Hi Leah, There are two ways to handle this situation: Your way (the easy way) or my way (the harder way).

We both know that this woman has been reading too many Cosmo and Essence articles describing the perfect relationship. You know the ones – “How to Make Him Love You in 30 Days.” (I wonder why we never see such articles in a men’s magazine. LOL). I remember back in the day when I would read and scan the information into my memory, hanging on every word. Thank goodness I’m all grown up now and I know better.

Here’s what I suggest: Somebody pick up a copy of the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo, He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s based on an episode of “Sex and the City.” It gives straight up, no-nonsense descriptions of when a man just really doesn’t like you.

Some women can be extremely smart about everything in life except man. Some lose all sense of rational thoughts and acceptable behavior. We come up with the best of the best excuses for dealing with a dead-end and or non-existent relationship. I know you know what I’m sayin’. This book offers the best guidance one can receive.

Wrap that book in a pretty gift bag with beautiful tissue paper. I mean, go all out. Not in front of everybody, but at the end of the evening, walk her to her car and give it to her. This should take place just between the two of you. Umhm, that would be nice.

Or, you can go Nene on her and say loud and strong, “Girl, stop bothering him. He don’t like you like that, and you’re embarrassing yourself. Leave him alone and act like you got some class!”

Bam! Case closed, it’s ova (LMBO). Whew! I get carried away sometimes. Allow me to swerve back over to the path of politeness.

Have a one-on-one with your girl and share the following: One of the better qualities about men is that they aren’t that complicated, and we love them for that. Almost always there are no mixed messages, no need to read between the lines. It is what it is, and he’ll tell you if you listen.

Stop, rewind, push play and let me say that again: All you have to do is listen. So ladies, stop rearranging his words in your mind to mean what you want him to say. If you push up on him and there’s no response, he’s just not into you. Remind her it’s not the end of the world. It’s just a pebble on her path of life. She needs to touch up her lip gloss and keep it moving.


Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to:  Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.


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