By Alma Gill
No Wedding Invite
A colleague has invited me to her bridal shower, but so far I’ve received no invitation to the wedding. I’ve known for about six months that the wedding would be out of state at a resort. Her family has groused about it being so far away. I doubt a wedding invite is forthcoming. She is not a young street urchin. She’s a seasoned professional. She is aware of social etiquette. Am I really supposed to hop to a bridal shower with gift without an invite to the main event?
Oh, my sweetness, did you say “street urchin?” LMBO, I am on the floor! I must admit, my brain is split down the middle on this one. On one side, it sounds like you’re offended, and if we were following the dictates of social etiquette, yes, you would be right. If you receive an invitation to the bridal shower, you should also receive an invitation to the wedding.Then again, there are always exceptions, like if the person is a colleague and you never spend time together outside of work. Most times the employees agree to throw a shower or take up a collection for a gift. Now the other side of my brain is thinking, especially in this economy, that you should be glad your colleague didn’t invite you to her destination wedding. Along with her gift, you’d be forking up airfare, hotel charges, plus related expenses – for someone who isn’t your sister, best friend, college roommate or first cousin. I’d suggest you go to the shower, yes, with an affordable gift in hand and have a great time. Anybody who uses “street urchin” in a sentence is clearly, long overdue for a vacation.
My girlfriend and I have been together six months. I enjoy our relationship, except for one problem: She thinks I might be attracted to her sister, even though I’m not. They live together, so that makes this situation crazy. They fuss and fight when I visit, so now I’m not allowed to talk to her sister or be in the same room with her. My girlfriend has been hurt by her sister before, and that is where this comes from. I would never hurt my girl like that. What can I do to help her get over this?
Dear Not Interested,
Hey now, sounds to me like those sisters have a boatload of unresolved issues, and you’ve landed smack dab in the middle of their madness. My first instinct is to tell you to keep it moving and not waste any more of your time. This is not your problem to fix. As unimpressed by her (and her sister) as I am, your email is tugging at my heartstrings. I can tell you must be serious since you’re searching for peace and relief inside this storm of distrust. I think it’s sweet you wanna smooth things over with your new boo, but you know how we do here at Ask Alma – the truth has gotta be told.
You’ve got a hot mess on your plate, baby boy. If both women are knee deep naked in wicked amour and attitude, you may be fighting an endless mêlée you can’t win. That being said, my minds eye’s telling me you can’t let go without giving it your best shot, so let’s get started. Have a conversation with your girlfriend about trust. Remind her that your relationship won’t last without it. Tell her you trust her and that she should trust you, unless you give her reasons not to. The trust she has for you should be based solely on your actions, not the actions of a boyfriend from her past. Discuss what’s necessary for her to shed her excess baggage, duffel bags, trash bags; sorry, I got caught up. You feeling me? Otherwise, you’ll have to leave her living in yesterday. I’m gonna close my eyes, throw a penny in a pond, wishing you’re not wasting your time. When it comes to love, life’s too short to knock out a window just to get in the house. Heaven knows good love opens the front door…wide, welcoming and wholehearted.
Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.