‘The Softest Thing I Ever Did Was Survive’: Breast Cancer Survivors and Clinicians Reframe the Meaning of Fight

LaTalya M. Palmer was getting dressed in June 2017 when she found a lump in her breast. Having just had a mammogram the month before, she made a fateful decision: she dismissed it.

“I self-diagnosed, thinking it could be a cyst, a reaction to something,” Palmer said. “My mammogram weeks before was normal; I simply never thought it could be cancer.”

By August of that year, the pain had moved into her underarm. It eventually became so severe that she could no longer put her arm down.

“I became concerned and then came the fear,” she said.

The next several months brought referrals to different specialists without a definitive answer. Finally, one specialist performed a four-point biopsy. 

“Lack of knowledge can be fatal; I had never heard of a four-point biopsy,” said Palmer, 51.  “Turns out that my cancer was growing in the back of my lump, a place where the two-point biopsy never reached.”

The additional findings gave physicians the medical backing to appeal to Palmer’s insurance for a PET scan and MRI. On Oct. 13, 2017, she received a diagnosis of inflammatory, triple-negative, late-stage breast cancer.

By the time of her diagnosis — in the middle of Breast Cancer Awareness Month — the lump had grown so large that life-saving intervention commenced immediately.

“Everything moved fast.  The oncologist told me at the first appointment that I would lose all my hair and my left breast,” she recalled.  “I was terrified; I had four children who needed me, and suddenly we were in a race against time to save my life.”

When Something Changes, Pay Attention

For many breast cancer survivors and advocates, Palmer’s experience underscores the importance of recognizing changes in the breast, education, and seeking medical evaluation rather than attempting to determine abnormalities alone.

Dr. Chere M. Goode works to empower people with knowledge about breast cancer, self-examination, advocacy, and medical screenings — from repeat mammograms to more advanced tests to detect even subtle changes in health patterns.

The wellness specialist of 35 years explained why many women hesitate to take definitive steps at the moment they sense something could be wrong.

“The fear of the diagnosis, uncertainty about what comes next, huge concerns of not being able to afford treatment, or becoming a burden to your family, can be so overwhelming that many decide not to investigate abnormal symptoms, even at advanced stages,” said Goode, 52.

Speaking to many of these concerns, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention emphasize that regular breast cancer screening can diagnose cancers earlier when they are easier to treat, reducing late-stage diagnoses, mortality rates, and even treatment costs.

Goode also addressed a cultural barrier that often impedes early diagnoses and preventative care.

“Many of us were taught growing up, ‘What goes on in this house stays in this house,’” she said.  “We now have to reconsider that way of thinking.”

The health advocate stressed that open communication surrounding health and genealogy across family lines is essential.

“Knowing which diseases your family line is predisposed to,” Goode emphasized, “is key to often life-saving testing.” 

Fighting Cancer Under a New Definition of Strength

In addition to education surrounding testing and treatment, Goode focuses on overall care for breast cancer patients, as the diagnosis not only affects physical health, but can have a domino effect on every facet of life.

She offers wellness education that teaches advanced medical planning as part of preventative health care and emphasizes that accepting help should not be viewed as weakness.

“The reality is you can’t be independent your whole life. We all need someone to do caregiving at one point or another, so develop a plan well before you need it,” Goode said. “You never know who your village may be, especially in times of serious health conditions. Be strong enough to fight but soft enough to allow others to fight alongside you, and sometimes, in front of you.”

For Palmer, involving others was not originally part of her treatment plan. However, surviving cancer required more than enduring chemotherapy, surgery, fatigue, and pain. It required her to reconsider what she had always been taught about strength.

“We are conditioned to prove our worth by being strong.  If I am not being strong, I am not being who my mother and grandmother taught me to be,” she said. “There is a badge of honor in being able to hold down everything alone.  If you are not doing that, then you fail.  And as Black women, we can’t afford to fail.”

As a single mother and certified life coach, changing her mindset about independence was one of the hardest challenges she’s ever faced.

“Undergoing such aggressive cancer treatment mentally and physically overwhelmed me,” she said.  “I quickly came to one realization: I could not raise my children alone during that time.”

After this realization, Palmer did something completely foreign to her.

“I admitted that I couldn’t do it alone,” she said, “and then I told what became my village.”

Mothers of her sons’ basketball team organized cooking teams and delivered meals to the family on a schedule. The coaches contributed money for groceries, juices, and nonperishable foods. And a mentor stepped in to help Palmer’s sons with both their education and the emotional impact of their mother’s illness.

Today, Palmer is eight years cancer-free and author of a book based on her journey, “The Softest Thing I Ever Did Was Survive: Seven Lessons From the Fire,” which will be released on Oct. 10.  

“The softest thing I ever did was survive because we always equate breast cancer with the fight, but there was a time that I had to completely let go of the resistance, of the fear, of feeling like I was failing because I needed help,” said the proud survivor.

Palmer now coaches those with chronic illnesses, utilizing her experience to empower those who are doubtful that they will make it to the other side of a serious diagnosis.

“Sometimes the bravest decision that you can make in life is to accept help and go to a soft place,” she told The Informer. “Allowing myself to surrender to the process and trust those who fought beside me was ultimately how my battle with cancer was won.”