After sharing my experience navigating the Individualized Education Program (IEP) process as a father in Prince George’s County, I heard from parents across the region who expressed the same reality: the system can feel overwhelming, confusing and emotionally draining — especially when you are learning it in real time while caring for your child.
So I want to shift from telling my story to sharing what I wish I had known before my first IEP meeting. Because no parent should have to figure this out the hard way.
For families new to special education, an IEP is designed to outline the supports a school will provide to a child with disabilities. On paper, it’s a powerful tool. In practice, getting there requires evaluations, meetings, deadlines, documentation and legal language that most parents have never seen before.
And in the middle of it all is a child who simply needs help to learn and thrive.
As a father, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is this: you are not being “difficult” for advocating for your child. You are doing exactly what any loving parent should do — making sure your child receives the services they are both legally entitled to and morally deserving of.
Ask every question — even the basic ones
Too many parents sit through IEP meetings quietly while school staff use acronyms and technical terms that aren’t always explained. You don’t want to interrupt. You don’t want to seem uninformed. You don’t want to slow down the meeting.
But you are not a guest in that room. You are a required member of the IEP team.
If something isn’t clear, ask. If the language sounds vague, ask. If the meeting feels rushed, say so. Your understanding matters — and your child’s future depends on adults communicating honestly and clearly.
No parent should feel like they need a law degree to participate in their child’s education plan.
Put important conversations in writing
This is one of the hardest lessons families learn — usually after something falls through the cracks.
If you request an evaluation, put it in writing. If services are discussed, ask for documentation. If a deadline is mentioned, request confirmation.
This isn’t about confrontation. It’s about clarity. Written communication protects your child and helps everyone stay accountable.
Bring support if you can
IEP meetings can be emotional. You are talking about your child’s needs, strengths, challenges and goals, sometimes in very clinical terms. Having another person present — a spouse, friend, advocate or trusted community member — can make a real difference. They can take notes, listen calmly, and help you process what’s being discussed.
No parent should feel isolated at the IEP table.
Educators aren’t the enemy — the system is strained
Most teachers, specialists and school staff care deeply about children. Many are working under enormous pressure, facing staffing shortages and heavy caseloads.
The problem is systemic.
Any under-resourced system will eventually shift responsibility back onto families — especially those without extra time, money or support.
That’s why structural change matters.
What schools and districts must do better
Parents should not have to become full-time case managers simply to secure basic services.
Prince George’s County — like many districts across the country — must prioritize:
• Hiring additional special education staff and case managers.
• Reducing caseloads.
• Communicating with families in plain, accessible language.
• Training parents so they understand the IEP process early.
• Respecting families' cultural and lived experiences.
• Ensuring evaluations and services are delivered on time.IEP meetings should function as partnerships — not bureaucratic transactions.
When families understand the process, and schools have the resources to meet student needs, children succeed.
Why I continue to speak up
I don’t share my family’s journey for sympathy. I share it because silence doesn’t serve our children — and too many families feel alone in this process.
There are parents who feel intimidated in meetings. There are fathers who sit quietly while holding back emotion. There are caregivers who don’t know where to begin.
If that’s you, you are not alone. And your voice matters.
Fatherhood has taught me that advocacy is an act of love. Sometimes it looks like joy and celebration. And sometimes it looks like sitting in a conference room asking hard questions until you receive honest answers.
Our children deserve systems that work for them — not systems parents constantly have to push against.
Because an IEP is not just paperwork. It is access. It is equity. It is opportunity.
And every child deserves exactly that.
Anthony Tilghman is a Prince George’s County father, photographer, nonprofit leader and community advocate.