Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. — Ephesians 4:32
This week in my column on the 15 principles we must all govern our lives by when we need to forgive someone is to “Be Kind Instead of Right.”
More than one billion people watched the royal wedding on May 19, 2018, when Meghan Markle became a princess, and she married her prince! She met him from a blind date, which means it was God-ordained. She told her friend, “I’m willing to go out with this man only if he is kind!” Look what happened to her! She became the Princess of Sussex.
There is a Chinese proverb which also says, “If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves,” which is saying to me: your resentments will destroy you. This is true, because you are wishing for bad things to happen to someone because of something you feel was wrong. It may or may not have been wrong — there are always two sides to every story.
The people who are behaving “badly” in the world are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. You can process it in any way you choose. If you’re filled with anger about all of those “problems,” you are one more person who contributes to the pollution of anger. Instead, remember you have no need to make others wrong or to retaliate when you’ve been wronged.
Imagine if someone says something to you that you find offensive. Rather than opting for resentment, you learn to depersonalize what you’ve just heard and respond with kindness. Be willing to freely send the higher, faster energies of love, peace, joy, forgiveness and kindness as your response to what comes your way. You do this for yourself to be kind rather than right.
Giving up the need to always be right is an important lesson we can learn. It will help us achieve peace of mind and improve the quality of our relationships. Not will your relationships be improved with those around us but we will be happier with ourselves as well.
Who cares if you are right or not? Who cares if after a very long and intense argument you “win”? Will this really bring you pleasure?
Once we hold onto an idea for long periods of time, and so strongly, you are willing to make the other person feel so bad just so you can show you are right.
Notice the very next time you feel the urge to strongly disagree with someone over something you are certain that you’re right, take a second and ask yourself: Do I really care more about being right than keeping this person in my life as a family member?
I’m not suggesting you give up on your beliefs, or nodding your head, approving everything that others have to say, because that will be ridiculous. If you always give in, you will never learn how to have a proper conversation where you express your point of view. Instead, work on giving up the need to always be right. Leave your ego behind and choose to be kind to people over always being right. You can disagree without being disagreeable.
During my birthday cruise to Bermuda recently, a family member disagreed with me about a show I enjoy daily. She hates the host, and disagreed in a most offensive and disagreeable manner. The next day at dinner, though, she came and whispered, “I’m so sorry about what I said to you yesterday, you have a right to enjoy what you wish. I was wrong, and I’m sorry!” That was big of her, and of course, I forgave her — had already done so, even without her asking. Stop arguing over who is right and who is not.
Lyndia Grant is a speaker/writer living in the D.C. area. Her radio show, “Think on These Things,” airs Fridays at 6 p.m. on 1340 AM (WYCB), a Radio One station. Visit her website, www.lyndiagrantshow.com, send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or call 240-602-6295. Follow her on Twitter @LyndiaGrant and on Facebook.